Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence - July 2010

Thursday, 01 July 2010 18:28 | Written by Nia Richards |

eq_iceberg1 So, what is emotional intelligence or EQ (emotional quotient)? Well, it's pretty much what it says on the tin. It's having intellect about emotion; both your own and others. It's about having the ability, either innate or through training, to understand why you or others act in a certain way; what makes you or others 'tick'; about the office politics, with the little 'p'! The book to read s that written by Daniel Goleman, who talks about EIQ as the missing link, the missing part of IQ. The concept has been around since the 1930s but seems relatively little used in the workplace.

Daniel Goleman identified the five 'domains' of EQ as:
1.   Knowing your emotions.
2.   Managing your own emotions.
3.   Motivating yourself.
4.   Recognising and understanding other people's emotions.
5.   Managing relationships, ie., managing the emotions of others.

You can buy Daniel Goleman's 'Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ' at Amazon

You can take a mini, simple EQ test here: http://www.ihhp.com/quiz.php I did this quiz and was impressed by the simple but thought provoking response. The test only took a few minutes and the feedback gave tasty food for thought! There are lots of test around with varying degrees of detail and accuracy, so have a search around to fnd one that you feel comfortable with.

It is said that for various reasons and thanks to a wide range of abilities, people with high emotional intelligence tend to be more successful in life than those with lower EQ even if their classical IQ - intelectual quotient is average.

Here are some suggestions for developing your own EQ

1. Become emotionally literate. Label your feelings, rather than labeling people or situations.	Use three word sentences beginning with "I feel". Start labeling feelings; stop labeling people & situations "I feel impatient." vs "This is ridiculous." I feel hurt and bitter". vs. "You are an insensitive jerk." "I feel afraid." vs. "You are driving like an idiot."
2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings.	Thoughts: I feel like...& I feel as if.... & I feel that Feelings: I feel: (feeling word)
3. Take more responsibility for your feelings.	"I feel jealous." vs. "You are making me jealous." Analyze your own feelings rather than the action or motives of other people. Let your feelings help you identify your unmet emotional needs.
4. Use your feelings to help make decisions	"How will I feel if I do this?" "How will I feel if I don't?" "How do I feel?" "What would help me feel better?" Ask others "How do you feel?" and "What would help you feel better?"
5. Use feelings to set and achieve goals	- Set feeling goals. Think about how you want to feel or how you want others to feel. (your employees, your clients, your students, your children, your partner) - Get feedback and track progress towards the feeling goals by periodically measuring feelings from 0-10. For example, ask clients, students, teenagers how much they feel respected from 0 to 10.
6. Feel energized, not angry.	Use what others call "anger" to help feel energized to take productive action.
7. Validate other people's feelings.	Show empathy, understanding, and acceptance of other people's feelings.
8. Use feelings to help show respect for others.	How will you feel if I do this? How will you feel if I don't? Then listen and take their feelings into consideration.
9. Don't advise, command, control, criticize, judge or lecture to others.	Instead, try to just listen with empathy and non-judgment.
10. Avoid people who invalidate you.	While this is not always possible, at least try to spend less time with them, or try not to let them have psychological power over you.